Step Away to Step Up
I’m 100% guilty of setting unrealistic expectations and goals for myself. Anyone else?? Why do we do that? Ultimately it’s just setting us up for a let down. Disappointment can be a mental game, and it’s one that I have to intentionally work on.
I have always been a hard worker, overachiever, and constantly looking towards the next best thing. I always regret not living in the moment more, and I wish I could do better. But now that I’m (sort of) over the hump of newborn life with preemie twins, I’m finding I NEED more self care to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, co-worker, etc. Does that seem selfish? Maybe so. Honestly, I struggle with guilt just as every mom does. I frequently worry that I’m not a good enough mother. But then the burnout of balancing the chaos of 3 kids 2 and under sets in. Needless to say, after our family of 5 got covid (on Christmas Eve no less) we needed a vacation! I decided we had 90 days to make it happen (somewhat safely?)! Sure, I was super nervous to leave our girls for the first time overnight, but I knew it would be beneficial for my marriage and mental health to have a much needed break.
We decided to go skiing in Vail, CO with some friends. I am no pro skier, in fact I don’t think there is anything I am worse at. But I know it’s something my husband loves to do, so I was willing to give it a second chance. (Back story, the one time I previously skied in 2016 I cried on the bunny slope and lost control on the first attempted green slope going backwards! I was DONE after that!) I decided if I sucked it up skiing again, I could park myself by the fire with a nice glass (or bottle?) of red wine and be just fine!
To rewind a little bit: We have truly been in survival mode for the last year. I feel like we just blinked and our twins are now 7 months old, eating solids, and almost sitting up! They were 100% a surprise and gift from God! But a twin pregnancy with severe morning sickness chasing a very hyper then 18 mo old was no. freaking. joke. I quickly learned my limits. I breezed through my first pregnancy pretty easily and was working 60+ hour weeks literally until the day I delivered Daphne. But multiples + chasing a toddler was very tough. I ended up on bedrest at 28 weeks because if I stood up or walked I had a ton of contractions. Bedrest with a toddler is the closest thing to impossible in case you were wondering. My husband literally had to do EVERYTHING. Thankfully I was able to work from home on the couch or in bed as a nurse practitioner doing telemedicine visits (thanks to covid) which was a blessing. 
During our maternity session with Allison Naylor, still chasing Daphne..
One of my favorites! She couldn’t be bothered to smile at the camera that hot summer morning.
Photo by Allison NaylorI ended up going to the hospital a couple times in labor and finally by 33 weeks + 6 days the medications didn’t do their job because these babies were officially out of room! Delivery was thankfully a breeze since they were small, they were born 4 minutes apart and I was overjoyed that I did not have to endure a C-section. My OB is the absolute best, Dr. McKinney treats her patients like a friend and is overall amazing in every way possible! I’m so thankful for her and felt like we were BFF by the end of our journey!
Childbirth is truly a miracle. Audrey and Everette were stable enough for us to briefly hold them for a few seconds but then went straight to NICU. We began our new life of balancing home life with Daphne who had just turned two, and making sure we were present in the NICU. It was a tough time, but flew by! All in all, we were just thankful for healthy babies. The months have flown by as our girls have grown and developed and we have been living in constant survival mode! (Add in there moving homes and starting a photography business which has always been my dream!) I never expected to be successful so quickly, but God is good y’all. I found that I truly needed something more for MYSELF (outside of the constant spit up and diaper changes) so that I could truly be the best version of myself. Pursuing what is most fulfilling to me, I believe helps me be a better mother. It is not always easy, and a lot of times I stay up late editing after bedtime, but I can honestly say I LOVE what I do for the first time in my life. All that to say, we were long overdue for a vacay just the two of us! We were excited and so ready for a mental + physical break!
So back to our trip to Colorado, we met up with some great friends and had the best time! Skiing is not my greatest talent haha, but luckily I survived. Day one was pretty rough, and top 10 most embarrassing moments involved a bad fall and being literally stuck between a snowboarders legs. Just stuck for an uncomfortable amount of time in a strangers crotch regions. I even yelled out while crying laughing “I’m sorry it’s my first time!” Yikes... But it got better by day 2 and I even had fun. We were able to wine and dine and laugh harder than we have in a long, long time. We also had a lot of down time which allowed for naps in the afternoon, reading, and reflecting on life. It was much, much, much needed. Grateful is an understatement. The girls stayed with grandparents are were just fine. So thankful we took some time for ourselves to get away! The guys had some payback from all the skiing and had to endure a little photo session.
Taking a break for yourself is not selfish, it’s important. This is something I had to learn the hard way, trust me. Burnout is real in whichever job you have, and motherhood is no different! A break can restore your attitude, motivation, patience, positivity, focus, and overall outlook on life. We definitely made the most of our time away and came home thankful and ready for lots of intentional time with our girls! However, I am thinking somewhere tropical and less strenuous next time!
++Do yourself and your family a favor and step away to step up++
P.S. I would love to hear what you do for self care/mental health!Photos snapped by: Taylor Federico Photo & edited by me! Obv two photographers who were forced to ski had to force their husbands to have a mini shoot on the last day. (Not pictured, the bottle of wine chillin’ in the snow as a bribe…ha) >>> https://www.instagram.com/taylorfedericophoto/
